and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The dick lei will go down in squad history
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
