How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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