Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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