I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
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Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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