So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
