i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize