i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
