Just cropdusted the office
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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