Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
