I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
