I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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