what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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