Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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