Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
