Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize