there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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