My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
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Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
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I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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