after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
