he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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