Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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