he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize