He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
