All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
