This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
