i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
