I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize