I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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