That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
