my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
