Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
