I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
