He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You took a bar mat shot.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
