There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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