if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How does it feel to date your dad?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
