After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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