She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
