i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize