Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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