This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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