Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
