Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
