I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
