Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
