you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
