She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
