I hate your face
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
