Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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