I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
