"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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