You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
