I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
