I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
