Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
is that a dick in a sweater?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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