just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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