Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
