I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
