okay pat passed out under dana's car
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
