I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You can't motorboat a personality
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
