honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
