Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
