I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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