Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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