Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
